If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
