have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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