She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
