we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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