weddingsv make me drug and hornr
one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize