What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
