Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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