I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Randomize
