Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I could make wine with my vomit
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
