Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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