we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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