just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize