she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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