I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
id be glad to
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
