dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
