is your mom at the bar?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
too bad you live with your parents still
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
