Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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