Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize