Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
