Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
