i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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