i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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