tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
