In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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