There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
