honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize