i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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