oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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