god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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