Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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