Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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