Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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