I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize