i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
