Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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