Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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