Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
