I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
