mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
