I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
