If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
