I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
