I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
