So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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