So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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