Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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