did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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