I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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