I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
