I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
