Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
