4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
