So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
