Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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