How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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