last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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