You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
