I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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