Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
