Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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