I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Someone shit on the floor
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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