I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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