You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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