Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
