If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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