Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
