dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my being single is dangerous.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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