I can tuck mytits in my pants
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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