a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
