i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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