She announced her abortion via fbk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
